For How Long Will I Be Considered Young? | My 20s

I had another Zephyr experience. I talk to a guy on Tinder. Ghost him. I find out he's somehow connected to my social circle. And then I meet him in real life, apologize for ghosting, express interest and as soon as I actually get to know him, I realize it isn't what I want. And what makes it worst is that retreating is made harder by the fact that I'm in their same social circle. So this new guy actually works for the same company I do. I ghosted him on Tinder only because I got bored with it. I simply forgot to message him back. I figured I'd see him at our company's happy hour for young professionals but I didn't really consider that. But then I did see him at the company happy hour. He was sitting at the table where the appetizers were being served and my friends and I were walking over to the table. I didn't immediately recognize him but I momentarily thought he was cute. And then I thought he looked familiar. He sort of looked like my last crush. Sam...

I'm just going to start by giving myself a warm welcome back. It's been a month. It's been too long.  I'm actually upset right now because I made a mistake at work. I am cringe-ing just finding the words to explain what I did. I'll just type it hastily. Essentially, there were some web development tasks split between me and my co-worker and I overstepped and did his tasks. I thought I was being helpful and yes, I was really interested in what we were doing so I got a little too excited. He came to my cubicle later and told me to be careful in doing things like that because it can be taken the wrong way.  I really appreciate that he told me but I'm so mad at myself for not thinking in the first place. And now I just feel this perpetual awkwardness as I keep thinking about it. What a mess, I am.  It doesn't help that I have other mess on my mind. On Sunday, I went to the movies with a guy from church. He's an older guy. Very close to my dad'...

So it's Tuesday morning now. My arms feel weak from the workout I attempted to do early this morning and I'm sleepy as hell because instead of getting one more hour of sleep, I decided that getting my body straight was the shit to do. I didn't get through all the machines I wanted to because my arms were not cooperating with me. I was taking too long and then it was 7 am and I had to start leaving or I'd be really late for work. I'm trying to forgive myself even when my workouts suck because I'm just trying to build a routine out of exercising consistently and really early in the morning. I find that when I do that, I feel more awake (except for today) and also, I get it out of the way so I don't dread having to get dressed after work and do it then. The plan is that I first, make a habit of working out in the morning. Next, get up a little earlier to fit everything in. And finally, finishing my workout strong. If I can start even going four days out of ...

My internet is trash at this house I'm living in. What's new? So I am typing this up on WordPad and copying and pasting this to my blog. I feel like it is about time I update you guys. While it feels like my life has been uneventful, the reality is that things have been happening and I want to share these things with you before they leave my memory. In my high school, I tried to get myself to write everyday so I ended up talking about EVERYTHING. The big things and the little things. The stuff that happened in the news and my opinions on it. The clothes I wore. The music I currently liked. Because I write once every month or two months now, I find myself spending my paragraphs trying to chunk everything in. One day, I'll do better. That's something I keep telling myself. I'll do better tomorrow. I'll wake up tomorrow morning and I'll workout. I'll eat better tomorrow. I'll remember to get this done tomorrow. Next time I'm drunk, I won't ...

I am bored as hell. I am despising work more and more. And giving less fucks each and everyday. I don't know what the answer to all of this is. I want this to work -- me living in FL -- but this isn't the life I imagined for myself. I miss the city. I miss my friends. I miss being a bus ride away from my family. But I don't want to give up just yet. I've met some cool people here and that's what's keeping me a little sane. But if I were to somehow get transplanted back to Philadelphia and continued my post-college life there, I would not protest much. C'est la vie, Melbourne. Yet, I don't want to give up just yet. I have this huge hope that there's something that I was supposed to gain here. This big understanding. An enlightenment. Just a few more months of driving lazily up and down the coast, across the river, eating lunches in the car, halfhearted tugs on a purple and yellow exercise machine, grimacing and fake giggling to my sunburned cowork...