So it's Tuesday morning now. My arms feel weak from the workout I attempted to do early this morning and I'm sleepy as hell because instead of getting one more hour of sleep, I decided that getting my body straight was the shit to do. I didn't get through all the machines I wanted to because my arms were not cooperating with me. I was taking too long and then it was 7 am and I had to start leaving or I'd be really late for work.
I'm trying to forgive myself even when my workouts suck because I'm just trying to build a routine out of exercising consistently and really early in the morning. I find that when I do that, I feel more awake (except for today) and also, I get it out of the way so I don't dread having to get dressed after work and do it then. The plan is that I first, make a habit of working out in the morning. Next, get up a little earlier to fit everything in. And finally, finishing my workout strong. If I can start even going four days out of the week, I'll feel more accomplished already.
I'm in this self-improvement kick again. I've been feeling too sorry for myself lately and I need to chill the fuck out. I've tried and failed many times and I know I'll just continue to do so. That's why I'm taking it easy this time around. Let me just get this exercising shit down first.
So I went to Philly on Thursday night instead of Friday morning as I had originally planned because Hurricane Florence decided to hit just at the right time. While I thought it would be a nuisance, Flo ended up being a blessing in disguise. It let me change my original flight to a day earlier and I got to leave Philly on Sunday afternoon instead of early in the morning since my flight got canceled (and trust me, I NEEDED that). It was crazy because just Wednesday night before I left, I was calculating how much my money wouldn't stretch for the time I would be there and being annoyed by it and just wishing there was some way I could leave earlier. It was a passing thought though. A ponder right before going to sleep. And somehow, my wish came true.
They say with manifestations, you shouldn't dwell on the things you desire. You make your wish and let it go. And all of a sudden, there it is. I think that's what happens to me most of the time. It is probably the reason I cannot get a man.
But anyway, I arrived in Philly at 10pm. The plane was scanty with people so I was able to put my bag up in the overhead compartment without bumping into anyone and I even got a window seat. It was my favorite plane ride ever because it was so stress-free. I got to see the city as the plane landed and I teared up a bit. I was so filled with emotion from the good memories I have of the place. But I didn't realize it would hit me that hard. It had only been about four months since I was last there and yet it felt so long. I spent the first night catching up with my old roommates-- Deev and Kierstin -- and we went to bed right afterwards because it was so late.
I spent the following morning talking to Deev as she worked on her computer because she was working from home that day. And I half-heartedly helped her make samosas. Then, Joyce came over with fries from Pita Chip and we all talked and caught up. We ranted about our individual stresses regarding our new lives after college (Joyce is in medical school and she honestly seemed to be suffering the most). Later, I went into the city to get jewelry for the concert but really, I just wanted to explore the city one last time. I realized that all the stores suck -- I went into Forever21, H&M, and Marshall's and was appalled by how much I didn't like anything. I went to American Eagle and was appalled by the price of things and the fact that they didn't sell jewelry anymore. I briefly went into Express knowing full well I wouldn't be able to afford anything I like and would hate everything I couldn't afford. I ended up walking back to H&M because the line was shorter and I bought some rings that I definitely bought about 2 or 3 years ago and a dainty necklace-- a fake pearl on a thin chain. I met up with Alan in the city because he was getting his eyelashes permed and we went back to Temple together.
I was planning of having a bit more of a day in the city (get lunch and people watch or some shit) but it just wasn't in the stars for that day.
Later was the party that Deev was throwing and I actually had a whole lot of fun though individual people may say otherwise. It was just a whole bunch of catching up and jokes. At the end of the night, when most people had left, I smoked up with Enrique and a bunch of other people right outside of the apartment. I can't remember how many hits I had but I remember inhaling and inhaling because I wasn't feeling anything and then suddenly, I did and I was too high. I left everyone to lie down for a sec, scroll on my phone and calm down, and then I was fine again. Everyone poured into the basement where I had been laying.
It is always weird getting high. I think it was just the second time I had truly been high in 2018 even though I've tried smoking up four times in total this year. I remember my thoughts seemed to trail right before I said something. It was a weird dissonance between what I was thinking and what I was saying and yet the right sentences poured out (or what seemed correct to me at the time). I ate all of Corey's fruit and laughed too hard at nothing. I wish I could have enjoyed it longer but then I was dead asleep. I woke up with my wig trying to escape my skull and my legs numb from attempting to sleep in a papasan. After a night like that, I hate looking at myself in the mirror so I rushed into the bathroom and quickly showered before letting myself glancing into the mirror.
It was a lazy Saturday morning. I washed a few dishes and cleaned up a bit upstairs. Alan, Corey, Candace, and Shannon slept over. Shannon left by 5 am. Candace left around 11am. And Corey, who was sleeping in Deevena's room, left in the afternoon (like 12pm or 1pm?). It was just Alan, Deev, and I and we ordered Su Xing and watched "To All The Boys I Loved Before". So before I watched the movie, I saw that it was hyped a lot all over the internet. People were obsessed with the boy romantic interest whose real name I'm not even going to find. In the movie, it's Peter Kravinsky. And the protagonist is a cute Asian girl. Don't know her name but she's Lara Jean in the movie (very unbecoming name). I was totally under the impression that the movie was a profound statement about something. I thought there was going to be talk about race relations and/or an interesting take on teenaged attraction. Maybe a fun satire on stupid, high school romance movies. I saw a whole bunch of articles and posts on this damn movie but now I realize can't recall what those headlines ever said. I think my brain just filled in what it wanted to see. This movie was a stupid, high school romance movie. But it wasn't the worst I've ever seen and most of that was probably because Peter exudes sex and it was refreshing not seeing bland, white folks liking bland, white folks as usual.
I do like that she isn't the "not like other girls" type. No one is put down for her to be deserving of anything/anyone. But now that I think about it, I can't place any other personality traits on her. She isn't really the quiet girl. She speaks up when she has to. She isn't awkward. All I know is that she likes romance novels and Korean face masks and Golden Girls but that doesn't say anything about her personality... But what frustrated me most of all was that I didn't understand any of her motives. Nothing made sense. She kept acting like she really didn't want to be in a fake relationship with Peter but she just HAD to do it. And then there was that Josh character... I didn't understand the mess with that. Everything could've been solved with a simple conversation. The movie just read as self-insert/self-fulfillment story. This author really wished that her white high school crush had dumped the pretty, popular white girl for her Korean-mask-loving self.
Nothing new under the sun. Cute movie or whatever despite the shit that made no sense. Not sure if I would watch it again. But if I did, it would mostly be to watch Peter. The guy really just knows how to be cute. Like he's not that hot but his mannerisms and his voice are just *presses fingers together and kisses the tips*.
Alan and I watched the first episode of American Horror Story - Coven and that was so good. The beginning of it was upsetting. I can't really do black slave cruelty these days. Show me monsters and ghosts and throw in a jump scare and you can't frighten me but show me the real shit-- bad things that happened to real people in real life and you haunt my dreams for nights. The rest of the episode was interesting. I loved the comedic aspect of it. A witch with a deadly vagina? My type of content.
I don't forsee myself watching the rest of the season since I'll have to go out of my way to do so. But I would love to finish it off.
Later on, me and Deevena got ready for the Drake and Three Migos concert. It was at the Wells Fargo center and we got there by subway. Roy Woods opened for them and I didn't truly take it in even though I love that man's music. I honestly didn't enjoy any of the music that much. I don't know if my hearing was off or what but I couldn't actually hear the music itself. Just faint melodies, a whole lot of bass, and out-of-breath rapping by everyone who performed. I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed the production. The visuals were amazing. Drake is super charming and cute in real life. The Three Migos did their thing. And Drake brought out Meek Mill ("the king of Philadelphia") to rap that one song I hear at every damn function-- Dreams and Nightmares. There were drunk white girls with their drunk white boyfriends clumsily tripping and falling on us. One behind Deevena and one on my right. But still, it was a nice time. I will say that I probably won't go to a rap concert unless I'm reasonably drunk because it really just isn't my thing. I like rap mostly for the beat and rarely for the lyrics. If I can't hear the music, then what am I there for? Because I sure ain't know the lyrics.
I enjoy live music at smaller venues. I want to be able to smell the performers' sweat. I want to see the musicians' fingers as they caress their instruments. I want to hear the intricacies of the music, the melodies and the harmonies. And I don't want to have to stand for long periods of time. Miss me with that bullshit. If I were to go to larger venue to see some artist(s), it would have to be artist that actually sings and sings well or a large band or orchestra.
After the concert, we took a subway to center city to join our friends to go out clubbing and that was a bust. For some reason, the whole city was out trying to party that night. The place we wanted to go had a long ass line. We couldn't coordinate where to go next. And by the time we found a place, it was very late, some people went home, and it was just a bore. I wish we had just gone to IHOP instead.
I went home, ate leftovers with Alan and Deevena, and went to sleep. The next morning, I could barely get up. Thank God for that flight change because I would have died on the way to the airport because I was so damn exhausted. I ate brunch with Alan, Deevena, and Kierstin and then I was on a flight back to Florida. I really did have a good time in Philly and I plan to be back during Halloween weekend but I'm not certain yet. I'm leaning towards "definitely". One thing I was annoyed by was how I tried to message Moh and he never really responded back. I guess that's the end of that friendship and I don't really have much else to say about that.
This post is getting mad long so I just want to end it here. There's always more things to talk about and I always promise to get on that in another post. It'll happen when it happens.
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