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This Ain't It.

I had another Zephyr experience. I talk to a guy on Tinder. Ghost him. I find out he's somehow connected to my social circle. And then I meet him in real life, apologize for ghosting, express interest and as soon as I actually get to know him, I realize it isn't what I want. And what makes it worst is that retreating is made harder by the fact that I'm in their same social circle.

So this new guy actually works for the same company I do. I ghosted him on Tinder only because I got bored with it. I simply forgot to message him back. I figured I'd see him at our company's happy hour for young professionals but I didn't really consider that. But then I did see him at the company happy hour. He was sitting at the table where the appetizers were being served and my friends and I were walking over to the table. I didn't immediately recognize him but I momentarily thought he was cute. And then I thought he looked familiar. He sort of looked like my last crush. Same physique (but this guy was slimmer), darker hair, styled in the same way. And they both had that white immigrant look to them.

Not long after, it hit me that this was the dude I had been last talking to on Tinder. I was so giddy that he was actually cute in person (because his Tinder photos were iffy). I watched as he started talking to a group of people I was actually decent friends with. They all ended up going out together that night and I was invited but I decided to go out with a different group of people-- the cool crew of the young professionals group. I actually ended up messaging the guy that night, telling him that I had seen him at happy hour but was too shy to say anything and he jokingly called me a stalker.

Our messages on Tinder to each other became sparse and I became exasperated by the waiting time between his messages and mine. So I finally decided to go ghost again. I'm not gonna lie. I had a bit of emotional turmoil because I hated that I was putting in effort and showing interest and I wasn't getting it back. I cut that out right quick.

But of course, I see him at the next happy hour two weeks later, which would actually be this last Friday. It was a Halloween-themed event even though Halloween had been two days before. He was dressed as Baby Driver (I thought he was the Secret Service). And I wore this lame huntress outfit I bought at the Spirit store for 50% off (yet still too much money). Anyway, he came up to me and we hit it off really quick. He was pretty witty and he was flirting in that way that I've come to realize that all white boys flirt. I wish I could explain it but I can't.

But there was one thing that really turned me off about him. It was his voice. It is soooo bad. He has a major "gay" voice. Probably an offensive thing to say but I can't explain it any way else. High-pitched (for a guy), and sickly. It is such a shame because he's a cute guy. Another thing that turned me off was that he couldn't dance and actually has no sense of rhythm. Obviously, that can be fixed and he seems down to dance. It's the voice that kills me.

But we hung out for the rest of the night. We left the bar where the happy hour event was being held and went to a latin bar where some other friends were. The friends left and we stayed for a little bit but I was too embarrassed by his dancing to keep going so I got him to leave so we can talk outside. We had been talking about sports because I mentioned that I went to Temple. For some reason that night, every time I told a guy I went to Temple, they immediately mentioned its football team and how they lost to UCF. Didn't mean shit to me. This guy was telling me the same thing. I was drunk so I don't remember all the details or how one topic exactly led to another. But he mentioned that he was good at basketball and I was surprised because while he's not short, he wasn't basketball player tall (not to mention he was white as hell). I subconsciously took him as a soccer player because he was built exactly like my ex-crush who also played soccer. He jokingly chided me for stereotyping him but he admitted that he was more a soccer player and I told him that it only made sense. At some point, I realized I forgot my card at the last bar so we took an Uber together back there (my car was there anyway). There were still some people from my company left and I ended up talking and laughing with them until things started to empty out. I talked to this guy who lost a football-related bet (or won it?) and now he had to live on a floating device for 25 hours. I was invited to come watch but I ended up sleeping instead. But I digress.

After all of that that, I walked with the guy to some apartments nearby where he left his car. We joked around and I found him really cool. At some point in the night, I also realized he had stunningly blue eyes. I'm not one to care about the color of white people's eyes but he actually had some bright blue jawns to call home about. I HATE the fact that I can't look past his voice. But I really can't. He drove me back so that I could get my car and then he got my number.

I don't really know how to feel about anything. I was really happy when he messaged me the following morning, asking if I wanted to go with him to watch the guy floating on the raft. But I still sit here thinking how in the world I'm going to cut it off. I guess I'm just going to ride it and see how I feel later on but I don't even like the thought of having to go on dates with him. I just want him to get rid of that stupid voice. Oh my gosh.

God, forgive me for my selfishness and indecisiveness. But this ain't it.

In other news, I bought a bedroom set for too much money and thinking about it makes me want to lay down and die. I definitely could've gone cheaper for everything and just bought a decent mattress. But no... a bitch can't say no. I keep thinking about what went wrong. And I think I was just under the impression that I couldn't buy separate pieces because I wouldn't be able to bring it in and put it together myself. I could have forfeited a "cool" and "modern" design for some basic furniture. Especially something I could haul up a few stairs for.

I'm trying to rationalize how the money I just spent is totally fine but it is really hard. I don't really even want to talk about it. The next big purchases I want to make are a television and a TV stand and I think I'll quit it unless I see good pieces for cheap. Here's a list of shit I need to get before I move in, and once I get settled.

  • Bedroom/dresser (check!)
  • Bedding (probably will get that from Target). 
  • Cable, TV, TV stand
  • Pots and pans, tupperware, other kitchen stuff
  • Cleaning supplies
  • Bar stools
  • Coffee table
Yeah, it's really the TV stand, TV, and bedding I'm most concerned about and I'll connect the dots later. 

I am done typing. I only update you with boy stuff, I know. Dick is the only thing on this girl's mind. 

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