For How Long Will I Be Considered Young? | My 20s

I think it was funny that last week, I mentioned how uneventful my life is and as soon as I know it, my life becomes eventful. On Thursday night, I decided I will go to work really early so that I can make up hours at work, go to the gym, and make it to happy hour, which was being held at a wine bar that I really wanted to go to. The day was going perfectly well. In fact, the day seemed to fly by, probably due to getting in early and it was the end of our sprint. I left at 3 PM and hurried home to take my asthma medication and get into my gym clothes. Before I went into the house, I had my purse in the passenger seat of the car. I have never gotten the impression that my neighborhood was unsafe but while I usually have no qualms leaving my purse on the passenger seat, I felt moved to put it underneath the seat even though I would be in and out of my apartment within 10-15 minutes. Afterward, I made my way to the gym. Again, usually, I leave my purse in the passenger seat of the car w...

My mind's been busy these past few weeks. My life really isn't very eventful so it's crazy how much other people's shit seems to consume my brain.  I believe it was this Monday or Tuesday when Deev asked me to find the Facebook page of Chris, the guy she's been sort-of-dating for the past two months. Apparently, he's always on it but for some reason, she had been having trouble finding him and I am usually pretty good at the cyber-stalking thing so she enlisted my help. I spent the last 30 minutes at work on my phone trying to find information on this guy using the first and last name she gave me. I narrowed the search by location, and tried to find family members with his last name, in case he didn't use his real name on Facebook. Perhaps, a family member would have him on his friend list. But Facebook proved to be practically useless. Because of how hard it was to find him, I told Deev that his real name must not be Chris. She agreed with me. Although, ...

It seems that where ever I go, I find people willing to baby me. I finally spoke to the Nigerian guy that sits across from me. Well, more like he started talking to me because I'm a fool. Today, we talked about Nigerian food and he asked if I normally ate through lunch. I said, "yeah, I usually just eat simple sandwiches because they're easy". He later buys me a chicken salad from a nearby place. I'm still gushing until now because it was such a sweet gesture from someone I have barely gotten to know yet. I told Deev about it and she was wondering why people just randomly give me things. John, another guy I work with, brings me mangoes every once in a while and shares his food and drinks with me. I used to read into it in the beginning but I've come to realize he's just really nice. Also, I've gotten lucky that there has always been people in Melbourne to help me whenever I needed it. In college, my friends did everything for me too: made me food, ...

I decided I should blog again. I'm at an apex in my life that I can't describe. Not in an eloquent way, at least. I am accountable, empowered with money and independence, but humbled by reputation and a constant awareness of my mortality. What do I want to do with all this power? Who is going to make me do it? And why is my own accountability not enough? Why am I so tired all the time? Why can't I ever accomplish the goals I set for myself? I am disgusted with myself and I don't know what to do about it. And it sucks that I can't blame anyone or anything else but myself. I forgot to call my friend this weekend even though I told her I would. I sort of forgot. But there were pockets in my day where I could've called her. Like, right now, I'm sure she's awake. But but BUT, I'm tired. Not tired enough to write this blog but too tired to talk to someone right now. See? There's always an excuse but never a good enough one. Anyway, I don't wa...

I'm currently writing a post about my time when my friends visited me. But I don't feel like finishing it right now. I came home and took a nap so now I can't sleep and I'm afraid of laying in my bed with racing thoughts so I want to regurgitate them in typed words. There's a lot of controversial topics I want to bring up. First, I want to say that time is truly the best healer. I'm feeling better and better about the Jack situation everyday. I don't feel like I completely hate myself as I did before. And I'm just glad that I haven't had an emotional breakdown about this. I do think that I'm a bit neurotic and I really wish I still didn't have thoughts about him. In fact, I still feel a tinge in my heart when his name is mentioned (his name was mentioned a couple of times this weekend). But I'm truly stronger than I thought. I'm mostly glad that I haven't really had to see him and I would be fine with never seeing him again. Wit...

So what do you know? I feel a little better. Microscopically better. Instead of thinking about my hurt every second of the day, I probably dwell on it for only 30-40 minutes in an hour. I call it progress. I will say that looking at the mirror not too long ago was distressing. I never realized how badly built I was. Narrow hips. No waist. A blocky stomach. And droopy boobs. Even if I lose weight, I'd still be left with narrow hips, no waist, a smaller blocky stomach, and smaller, droopy boobs. How awesome. Little things have lifted my mood. Yesterday, I went bathing suit shopping at the mall. I was trying one at Hollister and the employee that helped me was without a doubt flirting with me. He was very cute. Had that Indian/Black Caribbean look. He was definitely close to my age but I suspect he may have been younger. Only problem was that I don't even think he was doing this flirty shit he was doing intentionally as if I was anyone special. He's the type of guy that  k...

I began writing a post at the start of the new year and abandoned it for whatever reason. It was about my trip to Nigeria for my grandfather's burial. I still want to finish and post it but my ability to remember things just gets shittier and shittier and I don't know if I want to have to reach into the depths of my synapses just to get upset that there's nothing there. I'm not sure if this is normal or if I should get my brain checked out. I think my brain needs to be checked out for a lot of reasons. Anyway, I have a lot on my mind right now and I need to get it out so that I can get on with my life. Today was a miserable Sunday. But I had a fun Saturday night. I was invited to a pool party by a guy at Harris. He's a white guy that I've always found very cute. He's in the in-crowd of the Harris Young Professionals group, and always open to talk to me. I wanted to convince myself that he was attracted to me but it is pretty evident that he doesn't f...

Unfinished post from some time in February  It's been more than a week since my friends visited me and we had a great time together. I was afraid of missing them too much towards the end of their stay but really, I was so mentally exhausted that I was sort of relieved when it came time for them to leave. I think I've gotten too comfortable with staying by myself that the constant social interaction was weighing on me. But otherwise, I had so much fun with them. I felt like they visited me at exactly the right time. They took my mind off of Jack. They cooked me food. Shannon helped me move my huge fish tank into the bathtub so I can wash it and then helped me put my shower rod up. They also made me analyze the relationships that I've been forming here in Melbourne and helped me realize that I need to stop being such a coon and think of the quality of people that I choose to spend my time with. I think I was getting really caught up in being in the "in" group ...

Happy new year. I've been really dumb about updating this blog. I had a bunch of little interesting things happen to me between now and the time I last updated my blog. I guess I just never felt like typing. I'm not going to promise that I'll update this blog more this year but I sure hope I do.  Right now, I'm sitting at a restaurant at an airport and waiting on a sandwich... burger? I don't really remember what I ordered. I was sat in front of a cute guy and I was feeling really awkward. So I hurriedly ordered whatever looked the best. I'm not even that hungry either. I just feel like eating. Great way to start of the year, right? I feel like I should have just not ate. I already ate so much during the holidays and I seriously lack any sense of self-control. It's sort of disturbing.  Right after Nigeria, I weighed myself for the first time in months and I actually lost about 6 pounds in total. I better have lost weight after eating 250-calorie ...