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Now, kiss me.

My internet is trash at this house I'm living in. What's new? So I am typing this up on WordPad and copying and pasting this to my blog. I feel like it is about time I update you guys. While it feels like my life has been uneventful, the reality is that things have been happening and I want to share these things with you before they leave my memory.

In my high school, I tried to get myself to write everyday so I ended up talking about EVERYTHING. The big things and the little things. The stuff that happened in the news and my opinions on it. The clothes I wore. The music I currently liked. Because I write once every month or two months now, I find myself spending my paragraphs trying to chunk everything in.
One day, I'll do better.

That's something I keep telling myself. I'll do better tomorrow. I'll wake up tomorrow morning and I'll workout. I'll eat better tomorrow. I'll remember to get this done tomorrow. Next time I'm drunk, I won't go around in cars with strange men.

That's my segue into my Saturday night story. I went out with two girls I met a few happy hours ago: MacKenzie and Taylor. It's funny because when I first met them, I didn't think we'd talk afterward and so far, I've hung with them three times. I've gone to Trivia Night with them, eaten sushi dinner, and gone out to the bars with them. And they're fun. They're white girls (one was a sorority girl and the other went to a big school in Texas) yet something about them is different. They're both engineers so of course, they're incredibly smart and perhaps, that's one thing that makes them cool to me. I think we bonded by our shared experiences of thinking we made a good group of friends at the beginning of the summer and finding that we're being not invited to things and left out no matter how hard we try. A group of us were supposed to go out on Saturday night and it ended up just being the three of us girls and it was fine. I actually had decent fun except that all the bars ended at 2 AM sharp. Before then, we went to this place called Off The Tracks and it reminded me a lot of a college bar but bigger. I was surprised by how young everyone was, the diversity (so many black people), and the music was pretty good too and PEOPLE WERE DANCING. I guess I wasn't drunk enough to truly enjoy it. We ended up just sitting around and talking but I liked the vibe there.

Next, we went to Hurricane Creek which is a country bar and we watched white people line dance to popular country and pop songs. I was actually shocked when they all started dancing to Bruno Mars (the only artist whose song I could recognize). I was trying to figure out at what shop do these white folk get these dances programmed into their brains. Or if it was just something they knew from birth.

The last place we got to hit was Debauchery and we stared at some guys playing pool. I was preeetty drunk at that point-- not wasted but my eyesight was getting blurrier. Taylor pointed out two guys and I think she thought both were cute but preferred the taller one. I thought they were both the same in attractiveness except two different types of cute. When I think back to it now, I feel like they were average as fuck but just good-looking enough to make out with at the end of the night. One started striking up a conversation with Taylor but at that point, we were being forced out and that was it. If it was my friends, we would have followed the guys to their next stop and continued hanging out. But M seemed pretty spooked because of a fight that broke out not far from us just wanted to go home. Of course, since I didn't really know her well, I didn't wanna insist on staying so I bought an Uber. I felt like my feelings were numb throughout the night because I can't remember feeling anything particularly strongly until I found myself outside of my home in the Uber. I guess I was complaining about how early the bars closed and the driver asked if I trusted him. I said, "Yeah" and he said he was going to take me on an adventure.

So we drove all the way to Cape Canaveral. We stopped at a 7-11 so that I could pee. He bought me a water bottle. When I could see him in the light, I just knew the Uber driver was fine as hell back in his day but now he was a 40-something-year-old man who wears baggy jeans and a baseball cap. He was still kinda cute.

We went to the beach and he held my shoes for me as I walked in the water. And then we sat in the grass outside of the Exploration Tower and let me take a hit of his vape which had weed in it. I didn't feel anything after two hits but I don't think I took it in right.

We talked about our lives for the entire trip. And then he took me home. I don't really know what time it was when I finally got home. Like 5 am, maybe? The lights were on in Mr. B's office and I remember being nervous that he would catch me but nothing happened when I got inside. I got the Uber driver's phone number but I don't think I'll ever contact him. It was definitely a fun night but I cringe even writing this because I am so aware of how dumb I was. I could've been a statistic, another smiling face on TV (if the news even cares much about a missing young, black woman), if this man hadn't turned out to be who I thought he was. I won't go about it further but I'm truly a dumb ass when I'm drunk. This is the third time I've been very drunk after a night of drinking and this is strike two of dumb mistakes. The first one being that I made out with a guy I had absolutely no interest in. Did I ever talk about that by the way?

Nope. I didn't.

The same night I met Taylor and MacKenzie was the night I met these three white guys. There was one who was very pimply but decently dressed. The other was very generically cute. Like played baseball at a majority white high school, white guy cute, not the star player but the friend of the star player type of cute. And then there was the talkative one. Thin, well-dressed in a fitted button-up, tight pants, and a slightly disappearing hairline. He had this cockiness about him that would have you almost believing that he was actually attractive when in actuality, he was a little weird looking. His looks are reminiscent of picking up a dollar store brand of your favorite snack. You'll eat it because you're hungry as fuck but deep down, you know it'll never be as good as the real shit and you'll be disappointed eating every bit.

The pimply one was sitting right next to me and he initiated conversation with me and I actually liked him. We seemed to bounce our jokes off each other really well and talking to him was just so easy. His name was Jeremy and he ended up getting my phone number at the end of that night. The one I actually found attractive sat next to him and I don't really have any particular feelings about him. Don't even know his name. I think I spoke a few sentences to him and then I never saw him again after that night. Then there was the talkative one, Robert. I didn't like him from the first time I heard him. He told a story about how he accidentally insinuated a girl was fat to her face and the girl got pissed off at him and he was pissed that she got pissed at him. He seemed to take over the table with his talking. He was definitely funny at points and he's the kind of guy you invite to a party to liven it up. But he's not the type you'd want to be friends with. He was too boastful.

Tell me why after all of that, I ended up making out with this trash ass man at the end of the night.

So let me tell you what happened. The guys wanted to go out that night and everyone else was down. We all went home from the bar to get ready. I took a shower and snuck out of the house, paid coin to get in an Uber and head to a mysterious address only to find that the guy whose house we were all supposed to meet up at fell asleep and wasn't answering his phone.

It was three of us girls (Taylor, me, and this girl, Ashley who was also at the happy hour), Ashley's boyfriend, and Robert and his friend, Mo, who wasn't even at the happy hour and wasn't part of the initial plans. The two guys and MacKenzie (who was at happy hour w/ her boyfriend) flaked (because her boyfriend didn't wanna go anymore). We all went to Robert's place and drank and played this board game that he created called Chicks and Dicks. I actually had fun at his apartment. Although we planned to go the bars, we ended up just staying there and drinking. Then at around 2, everyone started to trickle out to go home. Somehow, I ended up alone with R. You know how you just know when a guy is into you? He'll start to look at you a little too long, smile at you a little bit too long. I already knew he was gonna try something on me WAY before it was just us at his place.

As soon as the last person left, he put his hand on my thigh and asked if I wanted to make-out. I hesitated and then somehow I gave in not long after. Thank the Lord for my period. I didn't go further. But we did a bunch of stuff. Just touching. Nothing more. There was a rocket launch at 3 am that I wanted see so badly and that's what motivated me to leave ASAP. R actually paid for my Lyft to go home.

I guess I have a way with words because I started talking to my Lyft driver about the rocket launch and he asked if I wanted a ride there. I was like, yeah, and he took me! I was drunk as hell though. I don't know how he could stand me. The rocket never launched that night and the driver took me home, free of charge. So yeah, me taking off to places with my drivers isn't new for me.

I feel terrible because I shared the experience with Taylor and Mackenzie and lied and said I didn't make-out with him. Although I wish I hadn't said anything in the first place.,I really wish I hadn't lied because I feel like it's going to come around and bite my ass. But it's whatever. Hopefully, by that time, I will be gone from here.

I think the take-away from all of this is that I'm craving dick right now. I don't know where to get it but I need it. I deleted Tinder because it seems so useless but I'm probably going to re-download it right now. I think I'm one of those people that needs to have their sexual desires fulfilled at a regular basis to keep a clear mind and a semblance of sanity. I don't need no boyfriend. Just consistent dick.

So hennyway, I'm going to Philadelphia this weekend to see a Drake/Three Migos concert with my friend. And my friend is also throwing an end-of-the-summer party too so I'm hoping I have a lit time. I wanna go to sleep soon so logging out for now. Still got more to tell.
Good night.

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